So, let’s say you and your grown daughter are shopping together in the produce section of a supermarket. A man standing opposite you squeezes the honeydew melons and cantaloupes. He spots you and gives you the eye, much like Joey on Friends. You peg him as a 70-something-year-old trying to be a 50-something-year old. Either way, Hello Viagra.

Now, he gives you the Joey chin thrust and says, “How YOU doing?”

“Okay,” you say because he’s really got you hooked with his big boy dialogue.

Now that he has your attention, he smirks, says, “These melons are ripe, just like you sweetheart.”

How ripe does he mean? Ripe like I smell bad? Or ripe like I’m ready for a trip to Disneyland with him and his Viagra?

Well, I’m done with him. He can squeeze someone else’s melons.

Abruptly, you turn to your daughter and say, “C’mon, Louise, let’s move along.”

You and your daughter walk from the produce area and turn down the paper goods aisle.

“Ma,” she hisses between clenched teeth. “Why didn’t you talk to him?”

“To who? That schmuck?”

“Ma! That was my father and your ex-husband!”

Only in America.

Until next time, when a martini and a book meet.

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Donna Lattanzio, Author